When I started writing the below, I didn’t know it was going to wind up here…But then I thought, this is the kind of writing I always imagined I would do when I got this thing going. So, I’m getting this thing going. :) You can expect excerpts from my music life…as songwriter and musician, label person, record store owner, etc.
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I’ve been doing some Kiam Records label organizing this month - inventory, bookkeeping, thinking about the past, thinking about the future, etc. As I’m sure is a surprise to no one reading this, running a record label is really hard work and running one as only one person often feels next to impossible.
Some questions I keep running up against:
What am I going to do with all this stuff? 😂
Should I make more?
Does anybody care?
Do I care anymore?
There’s a lot I need to figure out and none of these questions seem to be easy to answer. My feelings about this and so many other things seem to change daily.
So I was compiling a list of all the Kiam releases this morning - physical and digital - by date - and I came across this one that we released on January 31, 2011. The date - which was 14 years ago today - prompted me to take a listen. It’s just a digital 2 song EP comprised of B-Sides from my own album Here With Me which came out on Matador in 2008. I asked them in 2011 after I was no longer with the label if I could release these 2 b-sides on the Kiam Bandcamp page and they agreed.
When I started listening back this morning, I was taken aback at just how angry I sound on the first song, “A Good Risk” (listen above!) - it’s almost embarrassing to me how angry I sound and I wonder if this is why I didn’t put the song on the record. The song is about how I kind of knew I was on my way out with the label. I knew that I wasn’t doing well enough for them. I knew they wanted me to be something I wasn’t and I knew these things because they more or less told me so. In the song, I’m clearly torn between seething anger/frustration at them for not being able to see me and total defiance - like “fuck you, I don’t need you anyway.” And the sad (happy?) truth, is that I think I still feel this way about this and about the music industry in general. I have continued to forge my own path - out of sheer necessity - and that path has been littered with lots of starts and stops and non-traditional choices - but it’s mine.
a good risk
i’m a good risk but no one seems to think so
so i keep a good distance in all of my affairs
taken at a glance you’ll never have to worry
taken at the surface you’ll be doing just fine
if you want a chance to follow the ocean
you can have your own or you can borrow mine
if you start to sink inside the commotion
i don’t have to tell you no one’s throwing you a line
you don’t have to keep me alive
i’ll be all right
you don’t have to keep me alive
I’ll be just…
i’m a good risk if you’re open to suggestions
i’ve got a big list and a little bit of time
something in you reads me as out of the question
you think that i don’t get it?
I get it all the time
you don’t have to keep me alive
i’ll be all right
you don’t have to keep me alive
i’m doing fine
you don’t have to keep me alive
i’ll be all right
oh you don’t have to keep me alive
no no no no no no no no
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